The Impossible
9:am The morning of 8-Nov-2016 began like any other morning; an alarm went off around 9am and I rose with resignation. The general sluggishness that accompanies my morning routine was slightly decreased because I expected that day to be momentous and wonderful. I received happy election day texts from my parents, and I was hopeful that everything would turn out alright. Instead of my usual cereal, I ate at a local breakfast joint with two friends and was hopeful. Of course I was a little nervous, but I refused to even consider the unthinkable. We finished our breakfasts and walked to school with laughter and happiness.
11:30am In literature class we discussed Mrs. Dalloway and Virginia Woolf.
2:30pm In theatre, one of my peers and I lead a thirty minute discussion on a production of Amadeus that we had seen the previous Thursday. It was one of the first theatre classes that I felt fully engaged and excited the whole class, and I think that was because of election excitement.
5:00pm Skidmore treated us to a nice, stress free, money free meal.
7:30pm IES treated us to Matilda: The Musical
1:00am I was about halfway through the first essay and I checked the election coverage. I was a little concerned, but I thought I knew that Hillary would pull through. Some tears were shed, but I decided to push through.
2:30am I was almost done with the first essay, I had been getting distracted by the election, when one of my friends came into the study room clutching her laptop and crying. I knew immediately that the unthinkable was happening. I closed out of Word, looked up live election coverage, and a wave of terror crashed over me. This is just the beginning of the election, I tried telling myself, Hillary is going to win the big states. Somehow, though, the vision of seeing Trump's electoral votes skyrocket over Hillary's never left my vision and I broke down. At first it was heavy breathing as I tried to calm myself down. Then, a tear fell from one eye. The tears kept falling, one by one, faster and faster until I was sobbing harder than I had sobbed in a very long time. Not wanting to interrupt other people's work or election watching, I tried making my way over to a set of couches to Hangout with my parents. I didn't even make it halfway to the couches because I was crying so hard. I ended up sitting on the ground in the middle of a mostly empty study room and crying to my family. We talked and cried over the phone and Hangouts for almost an hour.
2:45am I hung up with my parents and the rest of my night began. I was awake in that study room from 11pm until 7:30am the next morning. The majority of that time was spent crying, decorating T-Shirts with the words "Fuck Trump", trying and failing to finish essays, and wondering what the hell was going on in America.
The next twenty-two hours were full of crying through class, friends letting me get tears on their shirts while hugging, and professors playing Pictionary and charades instead of having us do presentations. I think I cried more in those twenty-four hours than I had ever cried before. I could barely eat I was so disgusted by the results, I could barely smile I was so devastated, and I could barely look at anything for too long because my eyes were so bloodshot and swollen. I was terrified for my country. What was going to happen to PoC? What was going to happen to the LGBT community? How were my friends back home coping? What did it mean to have so many Americans reveal themselves as supporters of a racist, sexist, homophobic bigot? I couldn't stop thinking about all the little girls that went to sleep expecting the first female president to be elected while they dreamed. I thought about ten-year old me dressing as Sarah Palin for Halloween because I thought someone so ignorant and inexperienced being in charge of anything was terrifying.
After being awake for forty straight hours, I finally went to sleep and had a restless night full of dreams of Trump ripping away my rights.
All we can do right now is love each other, teach each other, and protest like hell. Write letters, create art, shout, but don't resort to bloodshed. Remember that when they go low, we go high. This has been my mantra for these last few days. For anyone out there that feels afraid or disrespected, know that at least one person is with you and will fight with you to make this right. I am still devastated, but I am done despairing. I am ready to fight.
11:30am In literature class we discussed Mrs. Dalloway and Virginia Woolf.
2:30pm In theatre, one of my peers and I lead a thirty minute discussion on a production of Amadeus that we had seen the previous Thursday. It was one of the first theatre classes that I felt fully engaged and excited the whole class, and I think that was because of election excitement.
5:00pm Skidmore treated us to a nice, stress free, money free meal.
7:30pm IES treated us to Matilda: The Musical
1:00am I was about halfway through the first essay and I checked the election coverage. I was a little concerned, but I thought I knew that Hillary would pull through. Some tears were shed, but I decided to push through.
2:30am I was almost done with the first essay, I had been getting distracted by the election, when one of my friends came into the study room clutching her laptop and crying. I knew immediately that the unthinkable was happening. I closed out of Word, looked up live election coverage, and a wave of terror crashed over me. This is just the beginning of the election, I tried telling myself, Hillary is going to win the big states. Somehow, though, the vision of seeing Trump's electoral votes skyrocket over Hillary's never left my vision and I broke down. At first it was heavy breathing as I tried to calm myself down. Then, a tear fell from one eye. The tears kept falling, one by one, faster and faster until I was sobbing harder than I had sobbed in a very long time. Not wanting to interrupt other people's work or election watching, I tried making my way over to a set of couches to Hangout with my parents. I didn't even make it halfway to the couches because I was crying so hard. I ended up sitting on the ground in the middle of a mostly empty study room and crying to my family. We talked and cried over the phone and Hangouts for almost an hour.
2:45am I hung up with my parents and the rest of my night began. I was awake in that study room from 11pm until 7:30am the next morning. The majority of that time was spent crying, decorating T-Shirts with the words "Fuck Trump", trying and failing to finish essays, and wondering what the hell was going on in America.
The next twenty-two hours were full of crying through class, friends letting me get tears on their shirts while hugging, and professors playing Pictionary and charades instead of having us do presentations. I think I cried more in those twenty-four hours than I had ever cried before. I could barely eat I was so disgusted by the results, I could barely smile I was so devastated, and I could barely look at anything for too long because my eyes were so bloodshot and swollen. I was terrified for my country. What was going to happen to PoC? What was going to happen to the LGBT community? How were my friends back home coping? What did it mean to have so many Americans reveal themselves as supporters of a racist, sexist, homophobic bigot? I couldn't stop thinking about all the little girls that went to sleep expecting the first female president to be elected while they dreamed. I thought about ten-year old me dressing as Sarah Palin for Halloween because I thought someone so ignorant and inexperienced being in charge of anything was terrifying.
After being awake for forty straight hours, I finally went to sleep and had a restless night full of dreams of Trump ripping away my rights.
All we can do right now is love each other, teach each other, and protest like hell. Write letters, create art, shout, but don't resort to bloodshed. Remember that when they go low, we go high. This has been my mantra for these last few days. For anyone out there that feels afraid or disrespected, know that at least one person is with you and will fight with you to make this right. I am still devastated, but I am done despairing. I am ready to fight.
Emma - you got it. We keep moving forward - we keep fighting for justice for all people. Your job in addition to fighting his to study and go deep into issues of justice and the rule of law and love of neighbor. And use your talents to show those things to the world. The spirit is in you and I am so glad you share it with us through your blog and your pics. Be well my lovely granddaughter.
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